Addenda
Ministerial Meandering
Addenda
For those of you who have occasionally wondered if I was entering my dotage, this offering will come as unsolicited confirmation.
Whilst on my afternoon walk with Gracie, I found myself thinking about how I might see evolution progress in the human species. It has already been suggested that the condition of ainhum, which is spontaneous amputation of the little toe, usually seen in Africa and the tropics, is one such advance - because the little toe has no apparent functional value.
Rather than dispensing with more parts of our anatomy, I had thought that supplementing our anatomy with a pair of wings and a tail would be to our distinct advantage.
(Please hold off calling the little green van with the men in white coats until you have read all of this.)
Just think of it - a lovely pair of wings to allow you to fly whenever you wanted to or needed to! You could see your mother-in-law’s car for miles, and be hidden in the top of a tree, pretending to be a somnolent owl before she even made it to your front gate. Furthermore, you could - with a bit of practice - scoop your dog up and hide her too, using advanced mantling skills. Who needs drones? - she’s at the front gate anyway!
And those nights when you are finding it difficult to sleep, you could toddle over to your window sill and just take off - up towards the moon, playing hide and seek among the clouds with your best friend. Cold days would no longer be a problem as you would be able to cover yourself with your wings like an all-enveloping blanket, and the rain would fall off as if it had never been there.
Your tail, of course, would be not only long enough and thick enough to use as a hand-muff, should the need arise, but it would also serve as a clear indicator of your mood, signaling a welcome or warning to those about to interrupt your reveries.
It might, however, occasionally be a disadvantage, were you to attempt to play poker. Though your physiognomy might be utterly immobile, your tail might see fit to wag at an inappropriate moment, and give away your ‘full house’, aces on kings.
This caudal appendage could also be a ‘vis a tergo' to a more concealed anterior tell-tale when meeting an attractive young lady. She might wonder why the apparently serious-looking man approaching her has his tail vibrating like a radio aerial in a high wind, and think - “Something doesn’t add up here.” No need for Mae West’s comment, ‘Is that a gun in your pocket…?’
For those uncertain of the etiquette regarding the carriage of tails, I should offer the following advice - given by my canine friends. If you are a dog and in a generally happy mood, the tail should be carried up; if you are a coyote in the same frame of mind, please carry your tail down; if you are a wolf, your tail should be carried straight out. If you are a cat - you should get the hell out of this meandering!
Philip+