Letting Go
Ministerial Meandering
Letting go
I confess to having a liking for some - repeat some - country music. One song that came out in 2008, sung by Indigenous artist Crystal Schawanda, is called ‘You can let go’. In the song, three scenes are painted; the first has a little girl telling her Daddy that he can let go of the bicycle seat that he is steadying for her as she is learning to ride. The second is of a young woman telling her father he can let her go to her groom at her wedding, and the third is of her giving her father permission to die, as he lies in a hospital bed with a terminal illness. Clearly, a bitter-sweet song.
Letting go tacitly implies that the object being released is something that we would rather hold on to - it is precious to us, and we would prefer not to let it go.
Letting your child grow up is hard for some parents, indeed, apparently impossible for some, to the detriment of their suppressed and emotionally stunted offspring.
Seeing your child married is also a testing time for parents, especially when there is serious doubt as to their choice of life partner. But we cannot live our children’s lives for them. They must make their own mistakes - I just pray that they don’t waste time making mine all over again.
And numerous times I have seen a dying person wait for the arrival of a child, or some event - like a birthday or anniversary - before they will relinquish their tenuous hold on life, and even ask permission of that person before they finally let go. Strange, how our physiology works - and some people still cling to the idea that we are not spiritual creatures. They will learn, eventually, but possibly only at the last minute.
At the risk of being accused of regurgitating truisms, I will repeat that life involves change. Change, in its turn involves movement. That movement may require that one leaves one’s job, one’s country, or even one’s partner on occasion. All of these would demand significant time spent in contemplation and prayer - attempting to discern what the will of God might be in the situation with which one is faced.
It is not going to be simple to search out what is the correct path, for it has been said before that the words ‘right’ and ‘easy’ rarely come in the same sentence. What is right is unlikely to be easy, and what is easy is rarely right.
Everyday things - like moving house, or changing your job, or retiring - are not always obvious or straightforward. When is the right moment? Which house or country is the right one? What job should you be looking for? What does retirement look like? Psychology books will tell us that moving house is allegedly more stressful than going through a divorce. I guess it depends on how much agreement (or lack of) is involved in either.
These are practical things that require physical input to achieve, but there are needs to ‘let go’ that are purely in our minds. These are our resentments - which may be either real or simply perceived hurts. But how we hang on to them!
I am certain that if I were to search back through the several hundred MM’s that I have written since starting at our parish, I would find one that addressed - at least in part - the business of letting go of resentments and forgiving those whom we believe have wronged us. The fact that I am writing about the same topic again tells me that there is still a problem extant in our church for some. Often, the person who has wronged us would be ourselves - if we could but see it. Nursing anger and bitterness does nothing for the complexion, and even less for the heart and spirit. Jesus told us to get sorted out with our brother (sister, daughter, great aunt, gerbil - whatever) before coming to his table. Let go of your anger and hatred (especially of yourself), and all that makes you scowl. It ain’t pretty.
Philip+