Failure
Ministerial Meandering
Failure
Every morning I am faced with a daily reminder of my failure to pass my Honours viva in Surgery when I was a medical student. Fortunately, I made up for it later, but the memory of that day sticks in my memory like a stain I can never get rid of. I gave the wrong answer to a question that I actually did know the answer to - but got completely wrong in the heat of the moment.
It is an orange that recalls my error, as it is in the appearance of the skin, ‘peau d’orange’, which I suddenly and inexplicably said was an early marker of breast cancer - when I knew I was wrong - but for some insane reason decided to stick to my obstinate - and instantly failing - response.
Why such an event - over fifty years in my past - should cling to me with such ferocity, I have no idea. But I ask myself whether it is not because all of us need to be reminded at some point that we are not always right, and that we have, and will continue to make stupid mistakes. Clearly, it is not wise to persist in dwelling on past blunders, but a tick in the box of inclusion with the rest of fallen humanity is not a bad thing. There are some out there who need such a reminder.
We rarely learn lessons from our successes, but if we are open to the opportunity we can certainly learn from our failures. Those golden girls and boys who seem to live charmed lives with both ease of academic success and prowess on the sports field are all missing an essential ingredient in their make-up; Humility - in its literal sense; ‘humus’ means ‘earth’, and it is from that humble beginning that we arise - whether you claim to be an atheistic Darwinist or a fundamental Creationist. [I should just say that both these points of view are wrong. Darwin had his doubts and errors, and the fundamentalist flies in the face of both evidence and reason.]
It is possible that God needs us to make the odd botch of things, so that we can take a step back on the vertiginous ladder of hubris with which we might wish to storm his heaven. A reminder that we are creatures, formed in a miraculous way, and for a purpose that few of us ever truly learn - though our job is to try. As I quoted before from Mark Twain; ‘The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why’.
Rudyard Kipling’s poem, ‘If’, has advice to give on most topics that pertain to acquiring maturity, and he says; ‘If you can meet with triumph and disaster, And treat those two imposters just the same;…’. The words imply not only how to approach such events in our lives, but that these events will come to pass in our lives. We will meet with success and failure - but we must not be overwhelmed by either. Too much success will always go to our heads; too much failure will give us cause for despair.
As I move towards the latter part of ‘middle age’, I rarely have to worry about taking and passing exams, but I count my successes and failures in much smaller - but equally satisfying terms. Can I safely boil a kettle and pour its steaming and dangerous contents into my tea mug without scalding myself, my wife, or my dog?
Perhaps I exaggerate for the sake of making the point - but more relevant might be my struggles with the internet, or some machine of torture my trainer directs me to in the gym, which threatens to turn me into some form of pretzel.
In summary, successes are fun - and not to be taken too seriously; after all, you were only an ace away from failure. And failures are what fashion you, and determine how you will grow up - if you ever do. Success may pat you on the back, but failure will - if you allow it - make you strong.
Philip+