When You Can't Pray

Ministerial Meandering

When you can’t pray

I’m sure you’ve had those moments when the heavens seem closed to you - God is clearly not listening to you - even if He’s there at all.  Perhaps He’s simply en vacances, and you’ll just have to wait until He gets back - whenever that is.

So that’s not really ‘when you can’t pray’ - as the title of this MM suggests, but when nothing seems to be getting through.  There’s an ‘Out of Office’ reply to all emails.

However, I’m talking more about the times when you can’t pray because you really don’t want to.  It is more than a mental block - it is more like a true rebellion; “Why should I have to pray to you, God, in order to be able to get anything done in this world - or my life?  It just doesn’t seem reasonable!”

This is our old friend ‘Self’ creeping in with the whispered promise of being able to handle whatever comes - without any need to invoke anything supernatural.  Psychologists would probably call it our ‘ego’.

The problem with ‘self’ is that it is all-consuming; there’s really no escape from ‘self’, once he or she has got their claws into you.  One of the things I remember feeling when I gave myself to Christ was an incredible sense of relief - that I didn’t have to carry the can for all the crap I’d done, and all the messes I’d made of my life to that time.  Bring back ‘self’, and you’d better go and pick up that backpack, and make sure it’s a big one - you’re going to need it.

So here I am, in rebel mode, feeling resentful that I have to pray to God.  And some thoughts come to me…

My relationship with God is supposed to be just that - a relationship.  How’s that going to work out if I never talk to him?  Heaven knows, it’s hard enough sometimes to talk to our spouses - never mind God!  But we have to acknowledge them, or they might just walk out on us.  And who could blame them?

And even though my wife knows that I need food to eat and clothes to wear, if I don’t occasionally ask her for what I want - how’s she going to know that I really fancy roast vole with peas tonight?  How will she know I haven’t got any training shorts if I haven’t told her I just put the last pair in the wash?

“Sure” - you might say - “she should know you well enough to anticipate your needs”…but is that how you would wish to be treated?  Is that how we treat those who love us?  Probably not.  And where’s the gratitude in that?

How do I get past the block?  By walking away - and thinking of all the things that I couldn’t possibly enjoy if she weren’t here, and how communication is critical to maintaining relationship.  If I can think of only one thing today that I am grateful for - that would probably be enough for my long-suffering wife.

And if you just went to God and told Him, “I’m having a really shitty day today – but you know all about those.  I’ll try and make it up to you tomorrow.  And thanks that I still have a pulse” - I think you’ll probably find that you feel a bit better.  Even before tomorrow comes around.

Philip+